What Have I Learned?

Well, I learned a lot about myself. I learned recently about my OCD tendencies and how it affects my writing. That guilt and shame feeling that I've carried for years is just part of having anxiety. Being diagnosed with OCD has explained so many things and ways my brain works. It seems like it should be a curse, but it really is a blessing in disguise. It has helped me heal and realize that this isn't all my fault. That it's okay not to write all of the time. That it's okay to be hurt and feel it. Really feel it. It's okay to cry and laugh all at the same time. I'm human being that is full of emotions and ideas. That there are times in my life that the writing bug will bite me and I have no other choice but to write. Then there are moments where I'm with my students and I teach them how to write. I might feel a twinge of pain, but that is okay. It is all okay. I found out that I still love to write and that it can be fun. It doesn't have to be an obligation nor do I have to hold myself to the standards I set for myself. I'm growing and changing as a person. My writing will have to do the same. No more guilt trips. My bags are staying packed. I'm a writer, teacher, reading specialist and a daughter. And that is okay. I learned that teaching writing to students has always been hard. I thought it was just a me thing, but it is not. It is simply a difficult task. I learned that you simply cannot give grammar worksheets and hope it translates into their writing. I learned that teaching about the type of writing and the writing process is something that should be done. Additionally, that feedback is very important even when it feels like a waste of time. I learned so much more about peer feedback and how important it is to have students share their ideas with their peers.